Nerd Alert

I had a gigantic nerd moment today. I was in my Creative Arts Team meeting, and we were discussing the age demographics of Northern Nevada. The Reader's Digest version of the conversation is that there are not many people in my age demographic in the area because the cost of living is extrememly high. There are however, a lot of wealthy retirees that seem to have 400,000 dollars to drop on a home. But I digresss...Anyway, John (senior pastor) asks me if he thinks my sister Heather will stay in the area. We are just trying to get a handle on where the future of the valley is. He then asks me why I am living in this area and how long I plan to stay there. It is at this point that everyone in the room stops and stares at me. (and just to give you a mental picture, everyone else in the room is male and over forty). My answer: God called me here and I know this is where I belong. Now, don't get me wrong. I believe that with all my heart. It just felt like such an awful cliche coming out of my mouth. There are lots of reasons that I believe I belong here. All of them having to do with the fact I am called here by God. At that awful moment I simply couldn't articulate one of them. And I felt like an idiot in front of three men that I really admire. Not my best moment.

Long Live Mr. Darcy

Jane Austen has to be one of my favorite authors of all time. And outside of my roommate, who just happens to be an English teacher and general literary buff, I think I might be one of her biggest fans. And while I love all of her works, my favorite is a no-brainier: Pride and Prejudice. Here are a few of my favorite scenes, and some of my favorite dialogue. (If you haven't read Pride and Prejudice, I'll warn you that I'm probably going to reveal the ending.)

* I couldn't talk about Pride and Prejudice and not talk about Austen's opening line: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." She masterfully sets the tone of the entire novel with this now-famous line. Even those who have never read this novel can usually identify this opening sentence.

* Chapter 11 - Where Mr. Darcy proposes for the first time: "After a silence of several minutes he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began, "In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." "Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent. This he considered sufficient encouragement, and the avowal of all that he felt and had long felt for her, immediately followed. He spoke well, but there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed, and he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride. His sense of her inferiority--of its being a degradation--of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit."
Hmm...No wonder she refused him.

* The scene towards the end of the novel in which Lady Catherine, Mr. Darcy's Aunt, comes to Hartfordshire to visit Elizabeth. She has heard rumors that Elizabeth and her nephew are engaged. Her mission is to dispel those rumors.
"You can be at no loss, Miss Bennet, to understand the reason of my journey hither. Your own heart, your won conscience must tell you why I come."
Elizabeth looked with unaffected astonishment.
"Indeed you are mistaken, Madam. I have not been at all able to account for the hounour of seeing you here."
"Miss Bennet, " replied her ladyship, in an angry tone, "you ought to know, that I am not to be trifled with. But however insincere you may choose to be, you shall not find me so...A report of a most alarming nature, reached me two days ago. I was told, that not only your sister was on the point of being most adventageously married, bu that you, that Miss Elizabeth Bennet, would, in all likelihood, be soon afterwards united to my nephew, my own nephew, Mr. Darcy. Though I knew it must be a scandalous falsehood; though I would not injure him so much as to suppose the truth of it possible, I instantly resolved on setting off for this place, that I might make my sentiments known to you."
Elizabeth goes on to neither confirm nor deny the validity of the rumor. She doesn't want to give his aunt the satisfaction.

*The last scene I will mention is between Mr. Bennet and Elizabeth. Mr. Darcy has just asked for her hand, and Mr. Bennet calls Elizabeth into his office to speak to her.
Her father was walking about the room, looking grave and anxious. "Lizzy," said he, "what are you doing? Are you out of your senses, to be accepting this man? Have not you always hated him?"
How earnestly did she then wish that her former opinions had been more reasonable, her expressions more moderate! It would have spared her from explanations and professions which it was exceedingly awkward to give; but they were now necessary, and she assured him with some confusion, of her attachment to Mr. Darcy.

Ah, what a novel.

Chicago Christmas

Should you be in the Carson Valley area on December 17th and 18th I urge you to come and check out what will be happening at CVC. That weekend will be our 3rd annual "Chicago Christmas Weekend." The group Chicago has a fantastic Christmas album (I recommend it to all two of you who read this) that we will 6 or 7 songs from. And this year I get to play for it!! Whoo Hooo! In fact, in honor of the fact that I get actually play for something I am planning on purchasing a Tenor and a Soprano saxophone. In my opinion, an instrument is never a waste of money.

I tell ya what...nothing like having to play in front of your boss (who just happens to be a stellar musician) to make me start practicing again. Hope the neighbors don't mind...

Movin' On Up

I am moving up in the technology world. I am now the proud owner of a Personal Digital Assistant. I am hoping that it is going to make my job as Celebration Arts Assistant more stream-lined and efficient. I have actually gotten to use it yet...It has to charge for three hours before I can get started. But boy oh boy does it look sleek and sophisticated charging next to my computer. Let the learning curve commence!

Tahoe Fun

This is a picture of me with my 7th grade class up in Lake Tahoe in May. It was their end of the year trip. The water was freezing, and it wasn't exactly a heat wave but those crazy children still got in the water.

Why post this picture now, almost four months later? I miss my kids. I have had several people ask me recently if I miss teaching. My standard reply, "Not really, but I miss my students."

I miss you, guys.

mmmm Turkey

So I know that Thanksgiving is just shy of three months away...but I can't wait for it to get here. Not only do I get to spend the holiday with people I hardly ever get to see, but I get to eat Thanksgiving food!

Although I love the Christmas season as a whole, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. You don't need to buy gifts, and you get to spend the day eating yummy food and hanging out with friends and family. Even though I don't enjoy the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade as much as I used to, I still love having it on and listening to it in the background. Thanksgiving just feels different. Probably because when I wake up Dad usually already has the Turkey in the oven and the smell drifts up to my bedroom. I love that smell.

I can't wait for Thanksgiving. I just know that this year is going to be extra special.

Adventures in Babysitting

All week I have been taking care of two girls: Olivia, a 6th grader and Leanna, a 3rd grader. Their parents are in New York, so I'm staying at their house too look after the girls. We've had a good time...Here are a few of the highlights:
* The girls go to bed at 9pm. Tonight, just a couple of minutes after she had been in bed Leanna comes out and says, "Jeanne, there is a big bug in my bed." Oh boy. Unfortunately the role of babysitter is by default, also the role of bug killer. So I go into her room to find a cricket wandering around her bed. I don't really want to touch it...but I had to get it out of her room. Unfortunately for me the stupid bug jumps off her bed into the area between her bed and nightstand. There was no way Leanna was going to be able to sleep until I found the bug and disposed of it. Just getting the bug off her bed was not comfort enough. And understandably so. So I ended up having to move her entire bed and crawling around on the floor in search of this blasted bug. But miracles of all miracles! I found it and threw it outside. Victory is mine! And cute little Leanna can sleep in peace.

*I have to help Leanna with her hair in the mornings. She takes a bath at night, and when she wakes up her hair can be pretty wild. I have never had to help anyone else with their hair before, let alone a little girl. But bless her heart, she has been patient and understanding. I had to try and curl her bangs yesterday, but it wasn't exactly going well. I was terrified I was going to burn her with the curling iron, all the while trying to make her bangs curl under instead of sticking straight up. In the end they looked suitable...but she gave me one of those looks that said, "Mom is way better at this, but I am too nice and polite to say anything." It was actually pretty funny. She is so cute!

Many other stories...but I am tired. Time for some sleep.

Help Has Arrived

Enjoy your new template.

<3 the blog fairy

Sad, Sad Efforts

How hard could HTML really be? Those were my famous last words. As evidenced by my very sad sidebar, HTML is obviously smarter than I am. I managed to get one link to work. But one link only. Everything else was lost in cyber space. I can see I am just going to have to have someone fix it for me. Help.

Star gazing

Last night I saw the most unbelievable shooting star. The night was especially dark, and as the star shot across the sky it left in its wake a wide and dazzling tail. It was beautiful. I was speechless.

It left an ache in me though. I live right in town; and the street lights, stoplights, casino lights, car lights, and cop car lights do a pretty good job of making sure the night sky is unreadable. I miss the days at my Dad's house where all I had to do was step outside and a million twinkling lights greeted me from above.

It got me to thinking about what I would most like to do if I could be magically transported there, right in this moment. The answer is easy. I would love to take a walk down my Dad's country road. It would be dark, quiet, chilly enough for a jacket. The stars would be out in all their splendor and I would not be walking alone. I would be with someone who could appreciate the moment. The beauty. The silence. I would stop in the middle of the road in front of the old barn that I have always wanted to explore. There I would tilt my head up and just gaze at the sky until the muscles in my neck begged me to change positions and move on.

I'll be home in November. Maybe I'll get my wish.

In a nutshell

Too many thoughts and experiences to make a coherent paragraph. I'll just make a list.

* I'm starting work on my Masters. My first class is "New Testament Studies," and it begins in about three and half weeks. I literally have thousands of pages to read before the class begins. Only have 125 read. I'm a little freaked.

* My job continues along just swimmingly. I'm up to my ears in copyright law...just when I think I have a rule figured out I find out that there are ten different exceptions that apply on different days of the week, in different types of weather, and is dependent on what I'm wearing. Basically what I'm saying is that copyright law is downright confusing.

* I had a...how shall we say...unusual experience this weekend. Unfit for blogging ears. You may however, call me, and I will divulge all the sordid details.

* I have two female friends from church who are both married and think it is a crime that I am not. They have made it their mission to point out to me every male that walks in the doors who looks single. The decided this weekend that it would be a good idea if I had business cards made up that they could hand out to single males that they think would be a good fit for me. I hope they were kidding.

* I'm going to Illinois for Thanksgiving and I couldn't be more excited about it. I miss my Dad.

* I'm trying to decide if I miss teaching. I don't miss the lesson planning, or the disciplining, or the meetings and inservices. I do however, miss my students. Most of them anyway. It was fun for a season, but God has moved me in another direction and I must admit I am very pleased.

* I'm starting a campaign to get more personal email. Real letters would be even better. The art of letter writing is so beautiful. I want to get more of them. Anyone want to be my faithful penpal?

* I have been having some disturbing dreams lately. Not nightmares, but dreams that are a glimpse of what my life could look like in the future. In them I am watching my life unfold almost as if am watching a movie. Sometimes I wake up and I am sad that the dream is over because what was watching happen was so good. Sometimes those dreams are almost worse than nightmares. My subconscious is teasing me with what I want but don't have yet. Bummer.

* God is faithful. Just like He was faithful in bringing me here to the desert, to CVC; He will be faithful in the future seasons of my life.

* That is my life in a nutshell.

Happy anniversary

Today is my anniversary. Exactly one year ago today I left Illinois to make the two day drive to Carson City, NV. It hardly seems like a year ago that I took one last look at what had been my home and started west.

I have days where I miss Illinois, miss the Midwest. But really, I think that I am just missing what is familiar. To say that it is hard to start over in a brand new state, thousands of miles from what and who you have always known would be a gross understatement. And yet, I have done it. There have been days when I have wanted to pick up, ditch this new life and move back. But I haven't. And I'm glad.

One year. Hardly seems possible. Happy anniversary to me.

Confessions

Alright...I admit it. I read the end of a book before I will commit to reading it. Some people consider this among the seven deadly sins. "What???" they exclaim in horror. "You simply can't do that. It just isn't the way it's done." But I do it anyway, and I'll tell you why.

If I don't like the way the book ends, I am not going to like the journey of getting to the end. It is just a simple fact; the biggest reason why I read the endings first. Besides, just because I know the ending doesn't mean I know how the author gets to the ending. That is fun part of reading a book anyway. The journey of getting the end. I enjoy the journey more if I know where I am going.

I spend quite a bit of money on books. Why would I want to spend 13 or 14 dollars on a book that I am not going to like reading? So when you think about it, reading the end of the book is also good stewardship. I am making sure that I am not wasting my resources on a book I will not enjoy, and therefore not read more than once.

The only exception to the rule is mystery novels. I still enjoy trying to figure out whodunit.

The group Avalon sings a song called "The Greatest Story Ever Told." The greatest story being salvation; Jesus drawing us to Himself. I got to thinking...I know the ending of this story too. Jesus has defeated Satan. My victory has been won. Ultimately God has chosen to let me read the end of His novel. That is what I call cool.

Natural Disaster?

I was at lunch yesterday with three of my co-workers, all of which have lived in the west for a number of years. One of the ladies mentioned that the weather felt like "earthquake weather." I had no idea you could predict that sort of thing with the weather. Anyway, she asked me if I had ever been through an earthquake; and I had to admit that I had not. I told them I had been through plenty of tornados though.

As far as I know, tornados are not a big threat here in Nevada. At least not like they are in the Midwest. Last summer I saw a tiny dust tornado...but I hardly think that counts. Today while I was at work I had this de ja vu tornado experience. The last couple of days have been stormy, lots of rain and some lightening and thunder. The air felt like a tornado...even though I knew that there wasn't one coming. It reminded me of being at my Dad's house, standing out in the yard with him watching the black clouds roll in, feeling the electricity in the air, that feeling in your gut when you knew the storm was going to be more than just a little thing. Even though I don't really miss the tornados - I sorta miss that feeling. Another one of life's dichotomies I guess.

Dreaming...

On occasion I will have a dream that is so real and vivid that it is frightening. Last week I had one of those dreams. The whole dream was swirling with emotion so thick and deep that I couldn't wake myself from it, and I couldn't shake the feeling long after it was over. It always makes me wonder; how is it that in my sleep I can feel so deeply? That I can be so affected by gut-wrenching, heart twisting emotion.

The nature of the dream makes me believe that I felt so deeply then because I won't allow myself to feel that deeply when I am awake. And certainly not without reason: Emotion that strong cuts deep...grief, regret, sadness. Heavy burdens.

I really believe our dreams are important. Certainly not in a Sci-fi sort of way...but I look in Scripture and see that dreams were important to God. The story of Joseph is proof-positive of that. Often after a night like last week I have wondered: is God trying to speak to me? Is He trying to tell me something that in my conscious state I am ignoring, or too busy to hear? I don't think it is out of the question that God would use a dream to try and get my attention.

The interesting part of all of this is that my sister Heather had an experience almost identical to mine one night later. Coincidence? I'm not so sure...

Captivating?

I am involved in a summer book club that is reading Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, written by John and Stasi Eldredge. (John Eldredge is the author of Wild at Heart, that book for guys). Now, it would be safe to say that I am a bit leary of the whole "pop culture spirituality" movement that has made books like Wild at Heart so very popular. And I wouldn't even be reading this book if my friend hadn't asked me to join this book club/Bible study with her. And even though I certainly don't agree with everything that I have read in the book so far...much of it does resonate true.

There is one particular line from the book that I have been meditating on for the past few days. "I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time." I am almost ashamed to admit how much I actually identify with this particular statement. The feeling that who I am as a woman is not enough for anyone, and yet at the same time who I am is simply too much. It is a painful dichotomy. Stasi Eldredge says it this way: "[I am] Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy." Not all of those adjectives apply to me. But I have my own set that I could list. Not outgoing enough, not creative enough... simply not enough. And yet too independent, too structured...too much. Even if I don't agree with anything else in the book (which is actually not true...but for the sake of argument) my heart agrees with Stasi..."I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time."

Here is a good example: I had this "friend" who kept trying to get me to go out with him. I kept turning him down because I honestly didn't have time in my schedule to go out. That season happened to just be really hectic....and I was booked solid. He decided that my life was too much for him...that I was too much....and he stopped asking me out. (Which actually is ok because we had nothing to talk about...it was uncomfortable...). And yet at the same time it is as if I was not enough. I was not enough and too much for him at the same time. Now, I don't really think this was really my problem. If someone wants to hang out with me they need to take me as I am, schedule and all. It is just a good example of the strange dichotomy that I am beginning to feel full force. Any thoughts anyone?

Tom, oh Tom, where foreart thou fair Tom?

Give me back to the days of the old Tom Cruise. The Tom who didn't attack Matt Lauer on the Today show, or the Tom who realized Oprah's couch was for sitting, not aerobics. I long for the days of yesteryear when seeing Tom Cruise in the news meant something good: like heaven forbid...actually promoting his movies instead of calling psychiatry a "pseudo-science." Really Tom, you shouldn't ostracize the psychiatric community right now....at the rate you are going you just might need their help soon.

I can't even watch my Special Edition Top Gun DVD anymore without being reminded of how my beloved Navy Pilot who coined the phrase, "I feel the need, the need for speed," is now acting as if he is on speed. Really, Tom...you're freaking me out.

An Equal Opportunity Clother

A few weeks ago I saw Will Farell on the Oprah show promoting his new movie, "Bewitched." During the course of the interview he divulged a rather odd habit of his: He rotates his wardrobe on an even schedule. He doesn't want to wear one pair of shoes too much, or one shirt more than another. So whatever comes up next in his closet is what he wears, regardless of whether it matches or not. An interesting system to be sure...Yet perhaps Will is on to something.

As I write this I have a direct line of sight into my closet, and my many pairs of shoes. It occurred to me that I have a couple of pairs of shoes that I wear quite often. The other pairs don my feet with little regularity or frequency. And while Will certainly has an unusual and refreshing approach to this problem, I am not sure it is the solution for me. If I showed up to work wearing my black sundress and my brown clogs I would get more than a few stares and snickers. Will Farell can get away with that sort of thing. Me, not so much.

Reality Check

What is it about being young that makes us feel invincible? As if sickness, death or tragedy will not spit its poison dart at us simply because we haven't made it "over the hill" yet. Case in point: I have a friend who is only 1 year older than I am. Today she found out that she might have ovarian cancer. She has to have surgery in the next two weeks so they can perform a biopsy on the tissue that has invaded her body. Scary? I think so.

It is, at the very least a reality check. At age 23, Cancer hasn't exactly been on my list of things to keep watch for. Cancer is a disease for old people-- Or at least people older than I am. Unbelievably though, today was a lesson in the fact that cancer (or disease in general for that matter) is an equal opportunity organization. It does not discriminate based on age, race, gender, or religious affiliation. I'll be the first to admit that the dreaded yearly exam isn't exactly high on my list of things to do. But if it'll save my life...

Travels

This is me with the city of Shanghai, China in the background.