Captivating?

I am involved in a summer book club that is reading Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, written by John and Stasi Eldredge. (John Eldredge is the author of Wild at Heart, that book for guys). Now, it would be safe to say that I am a bit leary of the whole "pop culture spirituality" movement that has made books like Wild at Heart so very popular. And I wouldn't even be reading this book if my friend hadn't asked me to join this book club/Bible study with her. And even though I certainly don't agree with everything that I have read in the book so far...much of it does resonate true.

There is one particular line from the book that I have been meditating on for the past few days. "I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time." I am almost ashamed to admit how much I actually identify with this particular statement. The feeling that who I am as a woman is not enough for anyone, and yet at the same time who I am is simply too much. It is a painful dichotomy. Stasi Eldredge says it this way: "[I am] Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy." Not all of those adjectives apply to me. But I have my own set that I could list. Not outgoing enough, not creative enough... simply not enough. And yet too independent, too structured...too much. Even if I don't agree with anything else in the book (which is actually not true...but for the sake of argument) my heart agrees with Stasi..."I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time."

Here is a good example: I had this "friend" who kept trying to get me to go out with him. I kept turning him down because I honestly didn't have time in my schedule to go out. That season happened to just be really hectic....and I was booked solid. He decided that my life was too much for him...that I was too much....and he stopped asking me out. (Which actually is ok because we had nothing to talk about...it was uncomfortable...). And yet at the same time it is as if I was not enough. I was not enough and too much for him at the same time. Now, I don't really think this was really my problem. If someone wants to hang out with me they need to take me as I am, schedule and all. It is just a good example of the strange dichotomy that I am beginning to feel full force. Any thoughts anyone?