I have been thinking a lot lately about writing a book about Step-Parenting. Granted, I have not held the title all that long - but it's one of those trial by fire things. You learn a lot in a short amount of time.

In my opinion (and since this is my book it gets to be all about my opinion!!), I think the number one scariest and most frustrating thing about step-parenting is loneliness. Very briefly, this is why I think that...

Step-parenting is hard. Every single day you have thoughts and emotions (not all bad ones, but a barrage of them nonetheless) that you don't know what to do with. Some that you think are too horrible to say out loud. Some that you think no one else on the planet must have ever thought about step-parenting. Image management keeps you from talking about them with others - especially your spouse. And so you are prone to getting trapped in this self-made box of loneliness.

I know I have had experiences talking to other step-parents where I find out that "oh my gosh. They have some of the same thoughts that I do. Cool. I'm not the only one."

I want to write the book not because I think I have great or new things to say. I want to write the book so someone can read it and think, "Praise God that I am not the only person to have ever experienced this." There is comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

I have a GREAT title: "Try Not To Pee On Your Children - and Other Life Lessons Learned as A Step-Parent."

Catchy...isn't it??

Perhaps it deserves a little explanation.

Dogs mark their territory by peeing on things. Hydrants, bushes, couches...whatever. They put their scent on things so that when another dog walks by they will smell the other dogs pee and know that dog has been there. I have observed that parents can be the same way. They don't literally pee on their children, but they mark their territory in other subtle ways. I think on of the greatest gifts a step-parent can RECEIVE is when both natural parents give their children permission to love the step-parent with a wild abandon. In essence, when they do not pee on their children.

Mark's ex-wife Lisa is actually really great at this. She gives both Lance and Tyler permission to love me. One of the greatest moments for me as a Step-parent was a direct result of this. We were dropping the kids off at Lisa's and I was sitting in the car. Long story short Lisa came out to say hi to me and the kids followed her outside. Lance opened the car door, and climbed up into my lap to give me a hug goodbye. In front of his mom. That might not seem like a big deal if you aren't a Step-parent...but trust me when I say it is!

Anyway, the book is mostly percolating in my brain right now. One of these days I will put it to paper.