The bottom of the barrel.

Ever get to that point where you feel as though you are scraping the bottom of the energy reserves barrel to make it through the day? That's me right now. I'm simply exhausted. Not physically - although my body is tired as a result of the last few weeks of physical labor. But I am just drained mentally and emotionally. It's the kind of tired that reaches it's tentacles down into your soul and latches on. The kind of tired that doesn't happen in a day, or a week, or probably even a month. The kind of tired that sneaks up on you in the still moments of your day and takes your breathe away. The kind of tired that doesn't retreat with a few hours, or even a few days off. The kind of tired that robs your soul of joy. I always know this kind of tired has gripped me when everything makes me cry (or makes me want to cry), and I want to yell at anyone and everyone for being stupid. I am a calm, rational person by nature - not really given to fits of crying and yelling - so this frame of mind is always especially upsetting to me.

It is Easter week. Holy Week. I am desperately trying to not let the Enemy steal my joy in the midst of it. I have worked too long and too hard to cruise through this week exhausted and frustrated with people. This week is the culmination of hours upon hours of planning, constructing, rehearsing...Not only by me but by other staff and an army of volunteers. It's a celebration. And Celebrations are joyful - not frustrating. I will choose joy. I will choose to honor God by faithfully executing the tasks He has set before me. (Hopefully without the crying and yelling. Even crying or yelling in my head.)

And God is good. I am right in the middle of a 45 minute break - so I came home to change and check my mail. In my mailbox was a card from my sister in Hawaii. It was what I needed to give my soul a little boost, and my heart enough energy to keep at it through tonight. Krystina didn't know how desperately I needed her words this afternoon...but God did.

I will choose joy.